Total Nut Job Sues For Custody of Celebrity Babies

There are a lot of complete wackos out in the U.S. prison system, but very few of them (probably for the best) hand-write court papers and file lawsuits.

Jonathan Lee Riches (a.k.a. Bernard Madoff) is one of the chosen few.

In a recent court declaration, the Indiana inmate sued for custody of the eight kids of Jon and Kate Gosselin and the offspring of Octomom Nadya Suleman.

Oh, and in a political bombshell, Frances Quinn Hunter, the love child of Rielle Hunter believed to have been fathered by John Edwards, is apparently his too!

Riches also wants custody, for some reason, of the kids on ABC's soap opera All My Children, and is demanding a paternity test on Bristol Palin's son Tripp.

Guess he's not entirely sure he's the father and not Levi Johnston.

More little-known facts revealed in Jonathan Lee Riches' lawsuit:

* He met Kate Gosselin at a Harrisburg, Pa., Long John Silvers, where they dined on octopus before he accompanied her to a fertility clinic in 2002, at which point his "sperm was added to the mix." At least he got his dates right.
* TLC really stands for Torturing Little Children (he may have a point there).
* Jon Gosselin is really a woman on steroids (a stretch, but we'll buy it).
* He has nude pics of Jon and Deanna Hummel at a Holiday Inn Express.
* He is seeking "federal custody" of his 16 kids (whatever that means).
* He has already sued Brad Pitt (he cites "Riches vs. Pitt"), Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Jennifer Aniston, Hannah Montana and Black History Month (!?), all of whom/which may or may not be in possession of his sperm.